Facing Chaos: Harnessing Unpredictability for Personal Growth
The Human Urge to Predict: Theorizing vs. Guessing
Every week I see clients. Old and new. Their struggles are individual and at once universal. As are their responses to the challenges they face. Their struggles are individual and at once universal. As are their responses to the challenges they face.
We like to know. And in the absence of knowing, we like to guess. A lot. Except if we are clever, intelligent, analytical, accomplished, skilful, and/or experienced, we like to call it theory. It sounds better than guessing. Fortune telling sounds a bit woo woo. Theorising. Yes. Now that has a solid ring to it. Its a theory, Jim, but not as we know it…
When we are hurt, wounded in some way, we like to think about it - a lot. Its akin to running your tongue over that sore tooth. Though you know it hurt you 20 seconds ago, you just…have…to…YUP! It still hurts! So are we just gluttons for punishment? I don’t think so. I think we are smart enough to want to learn everything about the wounding, the attack, the accident and the resultant injury, so we can figure out what to look out for should it happen again. Imminently. This is the heart of defensive decision making. So see if you recognise yourself in one of these camps.
1. I’m going to notice absolutely everything that might be hinting at danger. What was that? Did you hear that?!…
2. I’m going to play all day long. Danger, what danger? I spit in danger’s face. I am much to busy having fun to OOF!
3. There is danger everywhere and you can’t do a damn thing about it, so why bother getting out of bed. Give me another drink, pill, orgasm, marathon to run, episode of Happy Valley/White Lotus/enter guilty pleasure…
Navigating Chaos: The Unforeseen Route to Personal Growth
Life is full of chaos. Growth and change are chaotic too. There are predictors to both, but no economist/psychic/guru/tech wizard/therapist can tell you exactly how the change is going to come and how it will impact you or how you will feel about it when it does.
Chaos happens. And it must happen.
“One must still have chaos within in order to give birth to a dancing star.”
I reckon he was right. Change is scary. Growth is painful. And chaos always moves things along, whether we like it or not. Reflect on the biggest, most positively impactful decisions you have made in your life. How many times did chaos knock at your door before that decision was made?
So as you go along noticing the potential for chaos, or sticking your head in the sand, just remember that the best way to deal with chaos - or anything else for that matter, is to attempt to be present enough to who you are to be able to respond in a way that is in keeping with honouring that person called you. There is no one right way to deal with anything.
A comforting and yet terrifying thought. A paradox. And isn’t that just a little bit like chaos?
